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I started out in a loving, but abusive household. My Dad and StepDad were Vietnam vets, and held such unprocessed grief and rage within them that often boiled over onto us. They had no clue as to how to express or heal themselves, only just the constant drumbeat from society to "get over it." Alcohol was their means of numbing out. Rage was the only way of giving voice to their pain.
Theater saved me, providing a safe place to process my own emotions, to be loud, to get messy. I followed the theater trail all the way to NYC, where I actually experienced solid success... until a deep, dark depression overtook me.
I couldn't understand my state. I had all the ingredients life tells you creates happiness: success, love, an awesome community, & vibrant health. And yet, I was anything but. What the f*ck, Life??? Why wasn't I happy?!
After years (people, years) of trying to fix it, something within told me to meditate. I had always been fascinated by spiritual study and practice, and I was out of answers on my own. I decided to meditate for 40 days straight. I didn't know why, it just felt right to me at the time. I committed to the path, and dove in head first.
Two weeks in, I had my very first mystical experience.
Time fell away.
My personality fell away.
All there was... was a complete merging with peace and love.
It was infinite.
It was true.
It was pure.
HOLY BEJEEESUSSSSS, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!??
I was hooked. I was rabid. I wanted to get back there and know everything about that state!
I meditated in this way for a year straight (and am still going in differing ways). Within that year, I moved to Culver City, CA where I unknowingly stumbled into an internationally renowned spiritual center, Agape. All my questions found answers there. I became a faithful student and community servant for 9 years. I became a licensed practitioner, a meditation coach, and a prayer warrior.
I studied with bonafide modern mystics, I spent hundreds of hours in prayer and meditation and visioning… all expanding my absolute knowingness of my Divine nature, for myself and all. I woke up to energies and angels. I had mystical experiences out the wazoo.
But... I found a blind spot in my spiritual travels. No matter how much I grew in consciousness, no matter how supah spiritual I became, my human-ness still... was. I still failed, fell, forgot who I was. I still hurt inside and I shamed myself for not being able to pray it away. I had areas of my life that were complete chaos, and no vision board or mantra could balance it out.
I was bum-rushed by aspects of my human that were aching to be seen/heard/felt. A lifetime of core wounds surfaced for me to look at, feel, and dismantle. An Authentic Self was seeking to emerge that was scary and brilliant, epic and flawed, and was bigger than the me I was at the time. I could not by-pass this process or meta my way out of it, I had to drop down into it and live it. Consciousness could only take me so far. I was meant to learn the holiness of the human-ness.
Life brought me teachers galore: ecstatic dance, the art of seeking intimacy within challenging relationships, and being out in nature became my great embodiment teachers… as did teachers like Matt Khan, Brene Brown, and wine and cheese ;)
I watched myself stumble and rise and transmute and fall (repeat Xs 1000). The chaos amplified, and then settled, and then rose up again. I was called to love myself right where I was... no matter what. NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT!
I began to see, with crystal clarity, the absolute wonderment of the journey of awakening, and how loving our human-ness was the holy grail. It was/is the portal to everything. Transcending it only brings a type of spiritual numbness. To drop in deeply, to love yourself right where you are... in your filth and frailty. THAT'S when it all becomes holy and ALIVE in a way that can bring JOY even in your sorrows, peace, even in your desperation.
Loving my humanness was the answer, and I had been trying to escape it my whole life. Surrendering to it was my home, my salvation, and my ultimate freedom into states of true happiness. No matter fucking what.
My mission is to help you awaken into your highest, most expanded expression, and that is THROUGH the sacred, scary, messy animal of your human-ness.
All my offerings are here to help you LOVE YOUR HUMAN & TRUST THE PROCESS.
I hope to meet you somewhere along the way!
To your Filthy, Frail, Epic, Awe-inspiring Self...
Theater saved me, providing a safe place to process my own emotions, to be loud, to get messy. I followed the theater trail all the way to NYC, where I actually experienced solid success... until a deep, dark depression overtook me.
I couldn't understand my state. I had all the ingredients life tells you creates happiness: success, love, an awesome community, & vibrant health. And yet, I was anything but. What the f*ck, Life??? Why wasn't I happy?!
After years (people, years) of trying to fix it, something within told me to meditate. I had always been fascinated by spiritual study and practice, and I was out of answers on my own. I decided to meditate for 40 days straight. I didn't know why, it just felt right to me at the time. I committed to the path, and dove in head first.
Two weeks in, I had my very first mystical experience.
Time fell away.
My personality fell away.
All there was... was a complete merging with peace and love.
It was infinite.
It was true.
It was pure.
HOLY BEJEEESUSSSSS, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!??
I was hooked. I was rabid. I wanted to get back there and know everything about that state!
I meditated in this way for a year straight (and am still going in differing ways). Within that year, I moved to Culver City, CA where I unknowingly stumbled into an internationally renowned spiritual center, Agape. All my questions found answers there. I became a faithful student and community servant for 9 years. I became a licensed practitioner, a meditation coach, and a prayer warrior.
I studied with bonafide modern mystics, I spent hundreds of hours in prayer and meditation and visioning… all expanding my absolute knowingness of my Divine nature, for myself and all. I woke up to energies and angels. I had mystical experiences out the wazoo.
But... I found a blind spot in my spiritual travels. No matter how much I grew in consciousness, no matter how supah spiritual I became, my human-ness still... was. I still failed, fell, forgot who I was. I still hurt inside and I shamed myself for not being able to pray it away. I had areas of my life that were complete chaos, and no vision board or mantra could balance it out.
I was bum-rushed by aspects of my human that were aching to be seen/heard/felt. A lifetime of core wounds surfaced for me to look at, feel, and dismantle. An Authentic Self was seeking to emerge that was scary and brilliant, epic and flawed, and was bigger than the me I was at the time. I could not by-pass this process or meta my way out of it, I had to drop down into it and live it. Consciousness could only take me so far. I was meant to learn the holiness of the human-ness.
Life brought me teachers galore: ecstatic dance, the art of seeking intimacy within challenging relationships, and being out in nature became my great embodiment teachers… as did teachers like Matt Khan, Brene Brown, and wine and cheese ;)
I watched myself stumble and rise and transmute and fall (repeat Xs 1000). The chaos amplified, and then settled, and then rose up again. I was called to love myself right where I was... no matter what. NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT!
I began to see, with crystal clarity, the absolute wonderment of the journey of awakening, and how loving our human-ness was the holy grail. It was/is the portal to everything. Transcending it only brings a type of spiritual numbness. To drop in deeply, to love yourself right where you are... in your filth and frailty. THAT'S when it all becomes holy and ALIVE in a way that can bring JOY even in your sorrows, peace, even in your desperation.
Loving my humanness was the answer, and I had been trying to escape it my whole life. Surrendering to it was my home, my salvation, and my ultimate freedom into states of true happiness. No matter fucking what.
My mission is to help you awaken into your highest, most expanded expression, and that is THROUGH the sacred, scary, messy animal of your human-ness.
All my offerings are here to help you LOVE YOUR HUMAN & TRUST THE PROCESS.
I hope to meet you somewhere along the way!
To your Filthy, Frail, Epic, Awe-inspiring Self...
